Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
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We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
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This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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