I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
