Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
