Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
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I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
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The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?