"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
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he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
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He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Use "feeling words"
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?