did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
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Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
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its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...