this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.