history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
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When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
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I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.