I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.