so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
