got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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