I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
