Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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