I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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