i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
