i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
