Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It's never too late to be topless.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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