finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
