I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You're a waste of cheezeits
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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