Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
no you cant smoke seaweed
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
