READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
