Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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