dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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