explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
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She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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