mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Randomize
