four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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