what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
me + whiskey = a bad person
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