I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
