They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
