in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
