i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
