Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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