you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize