My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
