I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
babies were throwing up all over the place
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm passing your future prison.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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