If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
being pregnant is like rehab
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
