We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
