Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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