Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
