Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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