and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
