I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
