i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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