I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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