Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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