He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
