omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
