I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
