So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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