That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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