I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
