i just wanna soil my oats bro
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
