there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
