You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
