if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
He felt like a one man threesome
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
