ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
