I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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