"it" just moved
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
