you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
