he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
