That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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