If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
