Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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