ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
