i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize