So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize