just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
