you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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