Where are you?
In a non slutty way
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
