5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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