bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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