We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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