he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
