margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
