he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
