What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
