I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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