Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Even the bartender felt bad for me
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
