i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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