i don't like sucking hair
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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