Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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